Feeding the personalities

As a person who writes nonfiction blogs and fictional tales, I keep a slew of personalities in my thoughts that (whom?) I give a voice throughout the day.

Walking down a hallway, I may choose every step to represent a different persona — little boy bouncing along, John Wayne swagger, etc.

My thoughts are the same.

From one word to the next, I may switch personalities without hesitation.

The bumbling stutterer.

The quiet millionaire next door.

So it is when I encounter other humans.

An uncountable (or at least unremembered) number of thoughts accompany my actions.

If I delay responding to someone, I have hashed out a few dozen scenarios, regardless of likelihood to occur, giving each one equal importance when first considering a response before I finally blurt out something, usually coherent, but sometimes bizarre in the reality of the quick passage of time in social settings.

I imagine myself both under the watchful “eye” of a Supreme Being and completely alone in my thoughts.

Therefore, I can with confidence say that I am in constant communication/prayer/meditation with my Creator and at the same time at the mercy only of the interaction of temporary sets of states of energy in motion, moment by moment.

I am comfortable being everything and nothing.

In my thoughts and in my actions, I see myself completely visible to everyone I meet and a complete mystery to people who encounter me.

I am famous and I am forgotten, infamous and never known.

I pretend that everyone is talking about me and that no one remembers who I am.

I see a self with my name and personality and see no self, no name, just a set of labels for easy identification to perpetuate the idea of a continuity of self that carries forward from one moment to the next.

I am aware that most of us are like this in one form or another.

What, if anything, distinguishes my characteristics from another is almost unnecessary to catalog because I share pretty much every characteristic (subset of set of states of energy) with other people (sets of states of energy) simply because we see ourselves by only what we see which is a limited number of forms of being.

I listen and watch my social peers for clues to what my behaviour is indicating about my internal states (i.e., non-physical factors (e.g., thoughts)).

Because I have no single personality on which I build a history of self for others to observe and react to, I leave off a lot of easy living in a society that thrives on stereotypes, filling conversations and news headlines with two-dimensional characters we look up to and/or laugh at.

[Insert catchphrase here: “It’s complicated.”]

With the ever decreasing prospect of our species establishing a permanent home on Mars because of our need for highly-complex and sufficiently large ecosystem(s) to live in self-sufficiently, the home-away-from-home such as our Moon, Mars, Enceladus, etc., is still barely a dream anymore.

Of what shall I dream if I can’t have Mars, if I can’t have a new home and new sets of states of energy to interact with offworld?

If Mars is not a place to live, then how do we increase the likelihood that something of our existence lives and grows elsewhere?

If not for us, then for whom?

Our descendants?

The smallest of possibilities that an alien lifeform will come across us in one form or another after Earth has lost its viability, the alien lifeform changing its core self because of whatever we are?

If we don’t outlive ourselves, then what is any one life, including mine?

What of the personalities I nurture from day-to-day, who take on the personalities of family, friends and acquaintances because of my desire to map the universe around me, using some of the knowledge of who we are to create fictional stories and the nonfictional story of our lives?

What if I want more than what I have and who I am?

What cost am I willing to pay to change?

What risks am I willing to take to get out of this comfort zone?

I have recently pushed friends and family away from me so I would have the time and space to examine myself as objectively as possible, avoiding the emotion-based decisionmaking that doesn’t always produce the optimal longterm results that a bit of rational thinking can provide.

Hopefully, I haven’t pushed them too far away.

Of course I haven’t.

Tomorrow is a new day, a day to step off this merry-go-round and move in a new direction.

If Mars is off the map, then I still have a whole universe of places to explore and write about!


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